Thursday, June 9, 2011
I talked to Dr. Boggan about why this happened. He was very tactful with how he said it, but basically it's because I have a very "ample" stomach and it was harder to anchor it down. He couldn't put it under all of my fat since then my remote wouldn't be able to communicate with the stimulator. I don't think I could have felt any worse at that news. I know that I'm heavy, that's not a surprise. I have never really been skinny, but I gained a lot of weight when I got sick. As anyone with migraines can attest to, exercising while in pain does not go well. I have been so hard on myself these last few years because this is not where I want to be physically and it just kills me that this surgery wasn't successful due to my belly.
My mom said I shouldn't beat myself up over this. And she's right. I'm sure I'm not the first heavy person my surgeon has done the ONS surgery on. He didn't focus on this being my fault, at all. It's just so difficult to hear, and easy to obsess about. I wanted to be well on my way to full recovery at this point and it makes me so sad I'm not there. I look forward to getting back to Nevada feeling better than I have in years.
The plan: revision surgery in 2-3 weeks (end of June or beginning of July). My surgeon is going to take the battery pack/stimulator out and move it to another area. He's thinking more to the left towards my back, but we're going to discuss that further. Perhaps I'll talk to him about putting it in my upper chest. I know that he doesn't want it there, however under these circumstances maybe he'll relent. Truth be told, I don't want it there, especially since now I already have a scar on my stomach, but I'm at the point where it won't matter as long as it works. I am anticipating this surgery to be more painful than the last because they will have to re-tunnel the wires, make more incisions, and re-anchor everything. Bring it on!